Help me understand you.  Be specific. 

When I was a kid, my mom, dad, brother, and I drove rebar into sandy red Alabama clay soil and secured horizontal boards running 12 inches or so below the surface of the ground to create a form for what would become the foundation of a large metal barn.  It was very exciting to me when the concrete truck arrived on site, backed, up & quickly filled the form up with liquid concrete.  The main broad solid floor on the south was where we would store hay & my dad would have his work things.  The northern half  was a perimeter with footers for walls and empty spaces for gates, stall entries for our horse, goats, chickens & the occasional cow.  What started as an idea in my dad’s mind began to take shape in the physical world for the rest of us to see, understand, and get excited about.

Lanessa, give me an example.  When someone asks me to be more specific it is a gift to me.  When I am reminded to show up with my concrete truck it clarifies my own points of view. I understand my own thinking better. It leads to new personal and shared insights and opens up yet more avenues of discussion. If we are to understand one another & truly connect we must stay curious and engaged.  Ask for the person across the table from you to reveal more of what’s behind what they are saying. Do this even if you are not comfortable with where you think this might be going. 

When giving feedback, positive or constructive: Instead of saying, You did a great job on your presentation,  add to this and be specific on what it was about  the talk that was enjoyable or helpful or insightful for you.  Instead of saying, You did not seem well-prepared for that presentation, tell me specifically what you saw and heard which gave you this impression. E.g. You did not seem very confident on slides 3 & 4 because you paused multiple times and you spoke overly slowly. You seemed a little lost. 

Heck, in any and all relationships in any conversation, be curious. Slow down and ask, what specifically do you mean by [XYZ]? Please give me an example. Tell me more about that.

In the software engineering context, to make sure we understand our customer, we work with examples. To make sure our collective team understands, we work with examples. See Specification by Example. Thank you to my teammate, Rob, who reminded me today to use concrete examples when we were exploring data retention period requirements for subscriptions & associated audit logs. I love it when my teammates bring in the concrete trucks. It is a simple concept with rich rewards.

Last autumn I mixed bags of concrete with water in a wheelbarrow & poured it all into post holes.  We made a “lean to” on the side of a storage shed.  The scent took me back to that 1st big family project & evoked nostalgia in me.  Dirt, sweat, concrete. Let’s get to work!

Today’s musical accompaniment is brought to you by Les Mill’s BodyPump 110 Tracklist, the bicep track, Imagine Dragon’s Machine.