In the absence of a physical office, do you feel disconnected from your teammates?  What did you do for lunch?  How was your weekend?  How are your kids feeling about going back to school? What are you looking forward to this weekend?  Easy water cooler banter for some.  Possibly more challenging if you are remote and your gatherings feel transactional or rote, your days full of virtual meeting hopping.

If your team is hybrid/remote, building relationships requires intention and effort. Without that physical break room or coffee mess for encounters or seeing photos or drawings in teammate cubicles, you want to get more of a sense of who your teammates are.  Icebreakers can help.  

I fell in love with icebreakers on my 1st day working in tech. 7 strangers and I sat on the 12th floor of a skyscraper in downtown Atlanta seated around a conference room table with Hannah from HR. “I want each of you to think of 2 truths and a lie about yourself. You have a couple of minutes to quietly think & then we are going around the room 1×1.  On your turn tell us where you are from & these 3 things.  The rest of us have to guess which of your 3 things is a lie.  I will go first.”  

What followed evoked big smiles, astonishment, laughter, curiosity, and connection.  That icebreaker opened a more comfortable path to what I came to know as “water cooler” talk.  

In my 9 years on a remote-first global team, I’ve found icebreakers to be a simple, effective, and fun tool.  Michael Hunter of Uncommon Teams shared in his conversation with Louise Perold on Building Relationships, that he’s found icebreakers seem to make it easier for folks to share more, perhaps because when working remotely folks are in an environment that is more customized and personalized for them, “…On the other side of the screen, even with the same people that you were sitting next to you before a pandemic. It gives people enough energetic distance that they’re able to open up a little more.” 

Risky Business?

I realize that folks who are more introverted may not initially be receptive to the idea of icebreakers. As Jim Benson shared in his article on the usefulness of icebreakers, they can feel contrived and awkward.  If we are mindful of our context and group composition when we explore icebreaker options, we can choose wisely.

The Go-To Source for Options

The best curated set of ever-growing open source The Art of Noticing (TaON) Icebreakers is from New Orleans-based journalist and author, Rob Walker.  It’s rich enough to use for many contexts. I am not a betting person, but I am sure that you will find these delightful and helpful.  I am so sure that I would bet you money!  

I have consistently used icebreakers as warm-ups for agile retrospectives on longstanding and newly formed teams. Rarely, but sometimes when the team’s been under pressure or things feel stale or rote, I have used them to infuse some variety into daily standups. 

For the occasional standup shakeup, I have also used this KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetheart) method, and proposed, “I would love to hear also one thing you are looking forward to this weekend.”   They can be as simple as TaON No 55’s “What’s one boring fact about yourself?” 

Benefits

When I joined a well-oiled, tight-knit team, the core of which had been working together for 8 years, I loved how an icebreaker brought out the full spectrum sunlight of their smiles and comments like, “No way!!! I did, too! I did not know that about you!”  

Icebreakers elicit laughter, curiosity, and sometimes vulnerability and tenderness, which create connection.  No matter the fronts or figurative masks a person might put on, each and everyone of us wants to be seen and heard and valued.  

Author and expert conflict resolution facilitator Priya Parker shared, icebreakers can be the “magical question” to create shared context at the opening of a meeting, “to form invisible stitches.”  When we get to know one another we can work together better.  By investing in relationships we demonstrate care and we build trust. 

Parting Thoughts

As Priya Parker writes, “The future of work is creating psychological togetherness.” It is worth the effort to forge the kinds of connections you’d have in physical space, with the banter of ‘Coating hanging’ time or coffee mess time.  Icebreakers are a fun way to start or strengthen your relationships with co-workers, to get to know them as the unique humans that they are with the same universal needs and fears as you.  

I hope the resources I’ve shared here inspire you to try an icebreaker at your own virtual or in-person gatherings.  I love the creativity and expression icebreakers unlock.  And I believe those are essential now and for our future.